Disclaimer: This is not one of those hopeful, preach the Gospel in the time of sadness, and shed light into the after life and the hope we have for the future blog. It's an outpouring of my heart. Take it or leave it.
This year, and more recently, I've been thinking a lot about death. Not in a morbid way, but in a genuine pondering of the subject. Life is so fleeting. People we have met, spent time with, and even loved, just leave us. I remember smiles, times spent together, and when I open my eyes, I realize, I will never see them again, or hear their laughs. It's surreal, it's sad, and it is hard to come to terms with.
I am surrounded by death often at work. Suicide, death, trauma and tragedy, it is very matter of fact at my job. I often wonder if my job has made me numb to death and tragedy...but today, I realize, it has not. I feel like I have been in a state of grieving for the past few months. I grieve for my friends who have lost their loved ones, or who have miscarried...and I grieve because I miss my loved ones. This year, I have known more people who have died an untimely death or have taken their own lives, and it is taking it's toll on my spirit. I'm not talking about eternity, salvation or what happens after death, I'm just strictly talking about this life. I do have hope in my relationship with God, and I do know what comes after all of this...and in some instances that gives me peace, and in other instances, it breaks my heart.
I do believe that God has a plan, and that He is in control, but sometimes things just seems unfair. I just wished I understood his plan.
